You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
