Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
