I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
