you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I looked at my own cervix.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
