It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
