I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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