awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
