I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
