i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
