I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
