it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
