Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
