there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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