i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
