Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
