So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
