yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
