Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You made out with two different species that night
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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