So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I am naked and annoyed.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
