He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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