well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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