If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
