There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
