He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
