So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I love you. Go after that dick
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
