A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
