they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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