I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
