You're so nebulous sometimes
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
