Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
