You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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