Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize