who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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