Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
