how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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