walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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