i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
