she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
