I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
