Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just gargled with NyQuil
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
