tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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