he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
