they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
