I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
