i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
