my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
