I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
