I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
