Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
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