hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
