I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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