Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
The air taste purple.
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