I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
