It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
