I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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