Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you have to choose: penises or morals?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
