Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
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