Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
