I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
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