You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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