I wannas sexs uuuuu
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
