if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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