I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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