Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
