dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
