If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
