i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
