so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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