and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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