Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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