so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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