I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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