I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
