you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
