You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
