Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
