I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
