Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize