So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Randomize
