His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
