you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
