I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize