i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
