I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
