I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize