my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
honey bunches of taint.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
