Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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