just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Sorry about my life...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
