my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
