At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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