There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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