I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
